Tears

It is very hard to see your mother crying. Really crying. Can you imagine it? Can you imagine you being far away unable to wipe her tears? Unable to compensate her? Make her happy? I couldn’t even see her tears. I heard her crying in the phone. She was speaking and speaking and then burst into tears. Tears that became the only companion of her after I left. I tried to calm her down, but can a crippled voice do that? Was it really helpful? My voice thousands of miles away? Was it really able to wipe at least one tear from the tear streams that flowed down her cheeks like the Tigris and the Euphrates?

When my father was abroad, I was there for her. I was the stick she could lean on. I was the smile that she always wanted. I was the shelter that secured her. Today, I left her and my father by themselves imprisoned in the house. She missed everything. She lost everything. She lost her precious life. She is deprived from seeing her granddaughter. She can’t take my father to the hospital. She felt humiliated because there was no one there to take care of them. No one. No fucken one. Everyone said no. Everyone said, “We can’t. We’re afraid.” Everyone prefer seeing him crippled, disabled but to take him to the hospital. Even those whom he helped his entire life turned their faces.

She told me she didn’t want to say it but she couldn’t resist my voice. I am her son. She wanted to unload all the sorrow kept her heart. I was the only one to listen. No one would listen. Is that fair? Is that how life should be? Is that how humanity should become? Did it really reach that extent? Have we really lost everything?

But why does she have to suffer? Why? I mean isn’t it enough? Weren’t all these years of wars and sanctions enough? Weren’t all the times she cried enough? Is it really fair that she and my father have to suffer in this age? Is it fair that I left them alone? Am I a bad son? Shouldn’t I be with them now? Why am I being selfish? Studies? Master’s? shit? But what about my parents? Am I happy now? Am I satisfied now? Am I grateful? Am I?

Where is Fatima al-Zahra? Where is Virgin Mary? Where is Mother Terrissa? Where is Mohammed? Where is Jesus? Where is Allah from all of this? Where are the human beings? Where are the pure hearts? Vaporized? Dead?