It was 9 p.m. when my cell phone rang. The screen showed an Iraqi number. My heart stopped for a minute! I was scared because it was about 5 a.m. in It was one of my best friends in
“What happened?”
“There were clashes in my neighborhood since the morning,” she said.
There was nothing new about this, but I why she said that. My heart pounded like a drum. I just didn’t want to hear that someone was hurt.
“No one was hurt. I am scared,” she said. “Armed men and interior ministry commandoes fought each other in our neighborhood all day. You can’t imagine how it was. It was hell.”
“Get the hell out of there,” I said.
“I am supposed to go to
I was speechless again, heartbroken, and unable to think. Here I am! I was having fun with my other friends here in
My friend Ahmed called me few days ago. He was on the roof of the house trying to find a cell phone signal. The cell phones are ones of things that are deteriorating in
Ahmed took the risk and called me at night as I could here the sound of shootings in the background. I told him I would call him the next day. I didn’t want him to die. He insisted. He was laughing hysterically.
“Ahmed! I am not joking. Please go down stairs now. I can call you tomorrow,” I begged him to prevent any stray bullet reach him.
“C’mon! It’s not the first time. Don’t you remember these things?!,” he said.
I didn’t say a word! Yes, I remember. Yes, I recall every hard time I went through with him. Is it just now that I feel it is dangerous? Yes, I remember being caught in crossfire. Yes, I remember how I survived car bombs and rockets explosion. His words triggered the past that is still seizing a huge part of my mind and heart.
“How is everything,” I asked him then thought what a stupid question I asked.
“Thank God! I am still alive,” he said stressing on how staying alive is the only thing people want these days. No other things or aspects of life are needed anymore. They just need to stay alive even if it is with suffering.
He asked about me. I didn’t know what to tell him? Should I tell him I am in
I asked about how the disastrous life is treating him there. As usual, he was caught in crossfire and survived. Here is what he said literally, “I was at work [in Adhamiya] when explosions and shootings started around the area. Employees panicked. A rumor was spread immediately: the Interior ministry commandos came to kidnap the employees! We were all unable to function. In moments, I imagined myself being tortured by them. I even imagined my mother wailing at my body. We shut down everything starting form the computers and stopped working. The sounds of the shooting came closer. I could not stay in the building. I decided to run away before they come and kidnap me. I’ll be dead in all cases so I’d rather be killed in the street than being kidnapped and tortured. It was hellish outside. Different armed men were fighting each other. Iraqi soldiers, commandos, Mahdi army and the neighborhood armed men were all shooting at each other. I ran in the streets as fast as I could. I swear to God I saw the bullets falling next to me. I thought I only saw that in movies. Each minute passed was like an hour. It was so scary. Women and men were running and hiding in any safe spot they could find. I kept running until I found an empty land surrounded by metal fence. I climbed on the fence and was able to jump. I just wanted to be away from those who came to kidnap the young men in the area whether from our institution or from the neighborhood. I kept running for hours until I reached our neighborhood. I was exhausted and unable to do anything from what I saw.”
When my father called me the next day, I knew there was something wrong. He was also caught in the same cross fire in Adhamiya which Ahmed faced. He went there to get his pension salary from the bank. I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t even say he should have not gone because I know they need the salary. I felt lost, disabled, and unable to think. He told me he had to stay in the bank because the bank is at least protected by guards and Iraqi soldiers. For few hours inside the bank, he was finally able to leave when everything around him looked deserted and scary. He said the neighborhood was dirty as trash filled the sidewalks. Most of the cleaners were killed. The houses and shops were riddled with bullets.
On Christmas day, I woke up on the noise of television. I was so sleepy that I really didn’t want to know what was going on. Thanks to the devil who woke me up three times earlier and never left me sleep in peace. I opened my eyes to see what it was. I grabbed my glasses. It was Christmas celebration in Disney World! Children in my niece’s age were jumping out of happiness. I turned my head on the other side of the pillow. I didn’t want to see more. I couldn’t accept the fact that my niece who is only 15 months old is suffering in
Before this entry, I wrote three others that I didn’t publish. I was so mad that I kept them on the computer only. In one of them I wrote about the death of one of
I thought it’s only me who can’t enjoy his time during the holidays. It appeared that all of my friends outside
When I am awake or asleep, it is always with me. I feel it every night. Sometimes I see it coming into my dreams in the shape of a woman bleeding and crying for help. I want to shout and tell her I would help her but I can’t. I always feel chocked as if there is a rope around my neck preventing me from shouting. It is always that black ghost behind me walking secretly. I always feel him saying, “you’ll never see peace.” I wake up shivering. My T-shirt would be full of sweat. I feel I would jump in cold water to cool the fire inside my body. I throw the blanket away, drink some water and think.
Oh
