Saturday, December 31, 2005

My Trip to the U.S.A. TREASURE OF BAGHDAD'S DIARY
December 30

It won’t be a long time for me to go back to Baghdad. I have a mixed feeling now. I am happy and sad. Many people warned me not to be upset for coming back because I’ve already known that I am going back. But I am a human being. I am supposed to have feelings and I just cannot hide these feelings. Today, it was very obvious that I was upset. J and J2 noticed that. They thought I am tensed because I have to see the White House and the U.S. capitol alone. That wasn’t the main reason. What made me upset is that I am going back. It’s hard to accept this but I am going back, no doubt. The question will be, am I going to be able to come back to the U.S. in the future? I live in Baghdad where I am exposed to danger in every single second in my life. I don’t know what my fate will be. I don’t know whether I am going to stay safe to come back to America and take my M.A. or not. I don’t know whether I would be able to tell my children and niece how great and beautiful America was. However, I miss my family and friends who are dying in every single minute and not many people feel of how they live. I wonder if there would be people living in Iraq from now on.

It was a good chance for me to walk. I needed to walk, just walk for hours. I needed to hear my parent’s voices. I called them and talked to them while I was walking. I needed to hear my mother’s lovely voice. I needed to hear my father’s bold voice. I needed them. I wish I could save them from the hell they live in now. I wish I could take them outside Iraq, away from car bombs and killings. I wish I could do something to stop what is happening in Iraq. I wish and I wish but I can do nothing.

I don’t know till when we have to be strong and endure what is happening? Till when we have to endure listening to the sounds of explosions and shootings? Till when we have to see dead people everyday? Till when we keep saying we are sad? Till when we have to live in a war zone? Till when we have see destruction?

I lost hope since the Shiites took power. I am a Shiite and I wish I weren’t. The Shiites who are governing us now are back to power. They won the elections and means there would be more killings and revenge. Yes, these Shiites were in exile and they are now killing and causing destruction to the country. They are killing and killing and neither the Americans nor the people are stopping them. Moreover, The foreign terrorists are destroying the country by doing what Talaban regime used to do in Afghanistan. This country is burning. Somebody should do something. Please, somebody should do something. I am helpless, just helpless.

There is a line in a famous Arabic poem that says, “The ones you are calling for are dead.” So there is no benefit from what I am saying here I guess.

Any way, I had a tour in Washington DC today. It’s just today I discovered how beautiful Washington is: The streets, the people, the buildings and the monuments. After I had my hair cut, J and J2 went to the photo studio to take pictures for J’s book advertisement. By myself depending on the map J drew, I made my way to see the White House and the US capitol. And here I was really in need of walking. I’ve quit smoking since last April, but just today, I wanted to smoke. I really needed the cigarette. But as usual, I am Iraqi for God’s sake, I can make it. And I did it. I did not smoke!
When I was walking, I was just thinking that am I lucky or what? I can’t understand this puzzle. The only thing I am confident and sure of is that without J’s help and encouragement, I wouldn’t see America in entire my life, without her sister’s help, I wouldn’t be able to go to the University and intend to apply, and without her family’s loveliness and hospitality, I wouldn’t have such a beautiful time in America.
While I was walking, I was thinking of the pictures I took in Boston, New York City, Philadelphia, DC, and the other states. I realized that I won’t be able to put them in any of the frames I bought here. I cannot even hang them in my own bedroom. I have relatives and friends who do not know that I am in America. I am afraid if I put them and one of them would see them. The problem is that I am afraid that if they discover that, they might say it to strangers by mistake and by that I would be gone because they would consider me a “Spy in the lands of the Infidels”. Oh God! I hate this feeling. I’ll have to bury these photos in my closet or under my bed. My beautiful time I spent in the US is going to be buried.

There were many people gathering in front of the White House and the U.S. Capitol. Despite the fact I am going to hide my pictures, I took more in front of Washington’s most famous places. It is hard to tell your family that you did not take a picture there because you were afraid somebody might see it.

After that, I took the subway to TJMaxx, in Friendship Heights where I had lunch at McDonald’s and bought the Friends collection for O.

I returned back home at 8 p.m. J was waiting for me and she was a little bit worried because I was late. Anyway, when I arrived J looked different. She was putting make up. She looked so beautiful. In Iraq, women like putting make up a lot. “Wow! Look at you! You look so Iraqi.” This was the first time she puts make up on her beautiful face and the reason was for the photos of her book’s advertisement. I took pictures for her to show to my family. My mother and sister asked her why she doesn’t put make up. I think the reason is that most American women do not like putting make up, unlike the Arab women and I think this has to do with history. I remember once I read an article in a newspaper about this subject that says the Arab women like the Sumerian, Babylonian, and Egyptian women used to put heavy make up and decorate themselves with heavy gold necklaces.


EAST AND WEST

After that, I prepared something very strange for people to have in America. It was Hookah. J has a Hookah and all its equipments from one of our colleagues in Baghdad.
To change my bad mood, I showed J how to make it. It was one of the best Hookahs I made. Then we took it near the fireplace. We chatted, took pictures and sang on Kadhum Al-Sahir’s CD. While I was downloading the photos on my laptop, J brought dinner. This time, dinner was sear food. J cooked lobster and crab. She made them really good but I can’t imagine myself eating them. I am not used to.

I really had fun. I was interested in smoking Hookah because I sat near the fireplace which is considered a western thing. Now, east meets with the west. This is how it should be.

After that, J went to her room to call her mother and I spent some time in sending my pictures to my family and friends who know I am here.

New Year’s Eve

December, 31 [to be updated]

This morning, I woke up late. I had my breakfast while I was watching the news on the CNN. On their news bulletin, they show how violence marked the New Year’s Eve in Baghdad and other cities. Nothing is changed and nothing would change. The coming year would not be different. Mark my word dudes!

Then, they showed how the US army is transferring an Iraqi baby, Noor, for medical treatment in Atlanta. “Baby Noor, a 3-month-old Iraqi girl in urgent need of medical attention to treat a potentially fatal birth defect, is to arrive in the United States where she will receive treatment.” The CNN reported. Noor will be transported by ambulance to Children's Healthcare of Atlanta, the anchor said.

I was very delighted to see this. People in Iraq do not have an idea of how the US army is doing these things. The problem is most of the Arab media are biased and against the Americans in general. So they do not show this kind of programs to the Arabs. Instead, they broadcast programs hostile to the Americans which make the ignorant Arab people do not know how to distinguish between the American people and the American administration. And this is one of the hopeless things that I would never believe will change. It’s only the educated people understand this.

Then I checked my emails and checked if I received comments on my blog. I checked O’s blog as well and I found his new entry so miserable to the extent it brought tears to my eyes. He was alone, literally. None of his friends are there. I felt so bad. I wish I was there in that time.

New Year’s Eve for me is just a normal boring day. I’ve never felt happy in it. And why should I be happy? I’ve been waiting for years to see things better and nothing of this happened. There is a tradition among my family on this night. We turn off the lights and count from 12 to 1 till the hour becomes at midnight to start the New Year. After that, my mother distrubtes sweets and candy, a sign to start the year with sweet thing, hoping things would change. and of course, these are just superstitions which I don’t believe in. I’ve been doing this for many years and nothing is changed. Every year becomes worse than the one before. So I decided that I will never eat any sweet thing tonight because I am confident nothing would change. Huh! I spent last year’s Eve attending a funeral of one of my relatives.

J was very sick today. She had a cold. She is struggling to keep herself awake. We went out and bought some groceries. When we returned back, I made O call me. J and I talked to him for about an hour. He was bored and lying on his bed preparing to sleep. It was almost 9:30 p.m. there. His family, as most of the Iraqi families now, decided to not celebrate the New Year’s Eve.
The best way to spend the day was to watch a movie. I was going over J’s DVDs and I found a movie that I thought it might be nice to watch. Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, was the name of the movie.

In 1941, Italy allies with Germany and ruthlessly conquers the much weaker country of Greece. On a remote Greek island, an Italian artillery garrison is established to maintain order. One Italian officer, Captain Corelli, adopts an attitude of mutual co-existence with the Greeks and engages in such activities as music festivals and courting the daughter of a local doctor. In 1943, however, after Italy surrenders to the Allies and changes sides in the war, Captain Corelli must defend the Greek island against a German invasion.

[TO BE UPDATED]

Tonight is the New year’s Eve. I was invited by R, my former Baghdad Bureau Chief. I went to his dinner party. something personal bad happened to a friend of mine and I was about not to celebrate this night with anybody. Anyway, J convinced me to go and have fun there. I had fun there because all the people I met were friendly and have high sense of humor which I really needed at that night.

I wish I can express everything here, but I can’t.

Happy New Year!